i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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