so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
