in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
