I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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