I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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