the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
