We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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