Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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