...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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