You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
