Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
