Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
