It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
