He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
