What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
