Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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