But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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