i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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