just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
