The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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