mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
