my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
