im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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