i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
