I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
