Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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