Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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