i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
