Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
