I wish I only lived at night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
