i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
