You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
