I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
