dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
