Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
