It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
