pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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