So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
