my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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