Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
