I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
