i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
