Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
