Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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