im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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