Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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