Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
