screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
