We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
