Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
