when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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