Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
