I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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