I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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