Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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