Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
