Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
