if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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