So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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