i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
