Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
