"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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