she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
