if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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