it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
