you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
